In lieu of mother's day, the NST had a column about a 'mother' and her 'child' with cerebral palsy, who was actually a care-giver to this 22-year old woman whom she had taken care of for the last 17 years. Aside from the lady's personal sacrifice, the article does give some food for thought regarding the social and welfare system back home, and how INefficient or wellunder-provided it is. Especially compared to the social services available here in the UK. Makes you wonder... MOTHER: The Webster’s online dictionary defines the word as "a woman who has given birth to a child".
Then what about Roxanna Lim — never married, has not delivered a baby, is not in a relationship but for the past 17 years has devoted her life to a "special child".
Lim met Wong Lee Foong, who was then 5 years old, at a centre for handicapped and abandoned people in Rawang in 1989 where she worked as a social worker.
The cerebral palsy child was unable to walk, sit or communicate, and had to be fed and bathed.
Lee Foong was at the centre temporarily after her father died. After several months, she was returned to her home. By then Lim had become attached to the child and decided to visit her.
Lim was appalled to find the child in a shack filled with fertilisers with flies swarming all over her. The child was crying but there was no one around.
Lim discovered that Lee Foong’s mother had gone missing and the child was left in the custody of her grandmother, who eked out a living planting vegetables in a small plot of land.
"The grandmother was at her wits’ end, stuck with a child who needed constant attention and had to work to put food on the table. The grandmother lamented that she did not know what to do and when she died, what would happen to the child.
"My decision to take care of the child was not an instantaneous one. There was much soul searching, visits to the shack, prayers and bouts of crying. I was unable to make up my mind. Somehow, my prayers gave me the strength to take on the responsibility," she says as she cuddles the 22-year-old "child" at her home in Klang.
Lee Foong gurgles and raises her stiff hands to touch Lim’s face, breaks into a huge smile and then thrashes about.
"See, she is happy. She likes visitors. Isn’t she beautiful," says Lim as she takes out a towel and wipes Lee Foong’s drivel and kisses her on the forehead.
What price has she paid for the sacrifice? Ostracism by her family for "throwing away her life" and being branded a "mad woman".
Her family members said they were ashamed she decided to "adopt" someone who was not an "anak sempurna (complete child)".
She lost her friends who were not comfortable with an additional companion who followed her everywhere and her social life came to zilch.
"Who wants to marry me as the man will become an instant father to a 22-year-old who needs round-the-clock attention? What privacy can we have?" she laughs.
Surely there must be kind Malaysians who appreciate her sacrifice?
"Yes, some offer help as they know I am unable to be employed as I have to take care of her. But most Malaysians are only good at giving advice. Don’t carry her this way, take her to that sinseh, give her herbs, make some money taking care of more handicapped children — they are all consultants but none will do the work," Lim says bitterly.
She says the word "care-giver" which should have an exalted status has been degraded to standards lower than a maid.
"Everyone wants to be a trainer, a therapist and a consultant. But no one wants to brush the teeth, bathe and clean these people who are unable to take care of themselves.
"That is why many centres for the handicapped and invalid are closing down because there are insufficient care-givers. Furthermore, those who do such meaningful work are paid a pittance."
She is also unhappy with the welfare system, which she describes as having "no eyes nor heart".
"This child used to receive monthly government aid, which was paid through me, and that too after I made countless applications and appeals. It was approved after several years. But when she reached 18, they told me that since she was a major the payments had to go directly to her.
"None of these officers, despite my explaining and begging, realise that Lee Foong cannot possibly go to the bank or post office to cash money. Anyway, since it was the ‘procedure’ I agreed. After four years, not a sen has come her way.
"When I read the newspapers that government servants wanted a pay rise, I laughed and laughed, because they could not even channel assistance, which the government had provided, to an invalid woman but wanted more money for themselves."
Lim says she has given up on the welfare system.
Lee Foong is often invited by companies and organisations to test the disabled-friendly systems that have been put in place. Lim believes that God has prolonged Lee Foong’s life so that she can contribute to making the lives of future generations of disabled people better.
Lee Foong has come close to death many times but has miraculously pulled through. She is constantly on medication for epilepsy, takes muscle relaxants and her minced food is fortified with vitamins.
Lim is often contacted by parents of handicapped children and organisations that deal with special people for advice. She can be contacted at roxlim7@yahoo.com.
Women who celebrated Mothers Day yesterday had their children give them greeting cards which they had made, were showered with gifts, and some dined at expensive restaurants.
How many remembered the countless others who assumed the role of mothers to orphans, the handicapped and special children?
In this world of abandoned babies, neglected and abused children, it is heartening that the likes of Roxanna Lim walk this earth giving a new meaning to love, caring and sacrifice, and I would like to wish them all A Special Happy Mothers Day.
by K.P.Waran, NST 14/05/2007
Roxanna Lim gives Lee Foong a cuddle at their home in Klang
