Started revising

It's a beautiful, sunny (albeit deceptively freezing cold) day outside with bright blue skies ;)

I've finally worked up the mood to start revising liao. Thank God!

Hopefully I still have enough time to finish most of my revision, even if it's just about enough. Keeping my fingers crossed. Wish me luck, people!

One of those days...

Have you ever had one of those days where you just felt like crap, no matter what?

Have you ever had one of those days when you were just being a bitch bitching about others, but felt so incredibly lousy about what you did afterwards?

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing just seems to interest you?

Have you ever had one of those days when you wish you were just a teenager all over again, without worries and responsibilities that adults have to bear?

Have you ever had one of those days where you felt so alienated by the whole world, but still made no initiative to approach anyone else?

Have you ever had one of those days where you felt like a stupid, lousy friend (if you can even call yourself a friend) who makes presumptions & assumptions, and takes for granted what other people thought without finding out what they actually thought or felt?

Have you ever had one of those days when you just felt like being alone in your own little cubby hole without feeling guilt-ridden or unworthy or crappy, without a care in the world, without being a bitch or feeling the need to bitch?

Well, today I felt like the friend from hell, unable to stop feeling frustrated about petty little things, unable to be more carefree, unable to be more open about everything.

Today I felt like a teenager no more, realising that it's only over a mere two months before I reach the age of 24.

Today I felt unable to be a good friend, a good partner, a good housemate, a good person.

Today I felt like the bitch-of-a-friend that no one should ever have or need to have.

But through it all, I feel that today is like a lesson in life to be learned for me.

I feel lucky to have friends that I can talk to, friends that I can feel happy with while I'm with them, friends whose company makes me forget all my feelings of unworthiness while I'm with them, friends who distract my troubles away even if it is momentarily, friends who are exactly who they are - my friends.

I feel blessed to have loved ones surround me. I feel blessed to have hugs and kisses whenever I'm feeling lonely or down. I feel blessed to have someone to grumble to, someone to cuddle up to, someone to keep me warm at night (well, besides my duvet and bolster lar.)

I feel blessed that I'm given a chance to live another day, to make good what I have made bad yesterday, to make up for my bitching and bitchiness, to cherish the bonds I have with my loved ones, my friends, my housemates, my family, myself.

Sorry, everyone, for my unworthiness. Arigato gozaimasu, minasan, for your understanding and patience with me.